34 Onion Newsletter View this email in your browser VIDEO • POLITICS • SPORTS • BUSINESS • SCIENCE/TECH • LOCAL WEEKLY DISPATCH August 08, 2015 Bernie Sanders Clearly In Pocket Of High-Rolling Teacher Who Donated $300 To His Campaign NEWS IN BRIEF Humanity Still Producing New Art As Though Megadeth’s ‘Rust In Peace’ Doesn’t Already Exist SPORTS NEWS IN BRIEF Patriots Tired Of Jimmy Garoppolo Beginning Every Huddle With ‘This Is My Team Now’ NEWS IN BRIEF Rescuers Heroically Help Beached Garbage Back Into Ocean COMMENTARY I Want You To Know I’m Just Trying To Replace Your Mom AMERICAN VOICES North Korea To Instate New Time Zone “This is going to fuck up so many DVR settings.” HOROSCOPE ARIES Mar 21 – Apr 19 You will finally be reunited with your family when a sudden mudslide exposes their long-buried station wagon. Copyright © 2015 The Onion, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you opted in to get special announcements and exclusive news from The Onion. Our mailing address is: The Onion 730 N Franklin St 7th Floor Chicago, IL 60654 Add us to your address book unsubscribe from this list update subscription preferences
